I lost my job. So that sucks. Maybe I’ll start a kickstarter for a job. Kickstart my career. I’m asking for $30,000.
- For $1 why waste your time pledging a dollar? What will a dollar get me? Jesus. Grow up.
- Fine. For $1 I’ll send you a letter. Which means after postage, paper, envelopes and time spent that dollar is useless to me. I will write “fuck you” in big letters inside the letter. I’ll even color it in, which will take more time. My time writing you a letter could be better spent looking for a job.
- For $50 I’ll paint you a picture of your neighbor’s cat. If your neighbor doesn’t have a cat, see next level:
- For $500 I’ll buy your neighbor a cat and paint a picture of it.
- For $1000 I’ll record a video of Vietnamese prisoners in women’s clothing dancing to “Call Me Maybe” or something stupid like that.
- For $30,000 I’ll work for you and expect healthcare, job security, and federal holidays off.
- For $1,000,000 I’ll let you cradle me naked in your lap. I’ll weep into your chest and moan softly, “You mean so much to me. I love you. Shhhh. I love you.” Purely as a thank you. No weird shit.